Hypocracy in worshiping?

So hypocracy eh?

Ok, start off, who thinks that they are a hypocrite just one time during any day? Yes, I raised my hand. And this whole feeling stemmed when I went to The Gauntlet '06.

Yes I know, it was 4billion months ago but I'm still wearing the bracelet so I still get to talk about it.

Worship at The Gauntlet was amazing! I called Weezy every night, and I remember telling her one of two things every night, 1.) How tired I was from jumping around so much or 2.) How much I bawled like a baby. Seriously! I mean every night I jumped around and/or cried. It was intense! But I realized that I, as well as other people, do something that I'm not too happy about. I focus on my surroundings.

My worship experience is affected by how other people are taking it and how I feel when I walk in. I don't think it should be that way at all. At The Gauntlet I was so passionate. I hate to admit it but I was. I hate to admit it for the sole reason that I can't say that about every one of my times at FUSE. I mean, why was it different? Why was I passionate there but not every time at FUSE? Because of my surroundings. Because nobody around me was worried about the outside world, we knew what we were there for and we were there to worship God in all His glory. No worries about who we're going to hang out with after, who made you mad before, who you're sitting beside, or if you weren't "satisfied" with a message. That's my next post, watch out! But in FUSE I find myself worrying.

Now I'm not one to care about what people think. I'm truly not. And this post is going to make me sound like a hypocrite (ironic, eh?) but I really don't care. But in FUSE I just found myself more influenced to raise my hands, jump around, or just close my eyes when I see other people doing it. When I saw other people worshiping the way I wanted to, it influenced me! And yes, I feel bad for it. I feel like a hypocrite when I raise my hands to one song one week, and hear the same song one of the following weeks and I don't.

What is making me do that? I mean, the songs don't change, and the way somebody sings them, whether it be Lee, Daniel, or Andrew singing them, any one of them I love listening to. What is it that makes me more comfortable to be a Jesus Lover when I see other people doing it, rather then when I'm just alone? You know what I think it is? I think it's me being too confident in it.

I have typed stuff and backspaced stuff for 10 minutes now trying to explain how I'm too confident with it but I've come up with nothing. All I can think of is, that I know I'm a christian and with most messages it doesn't hit me that I'm a major screw up and don't deserve even for God to think about me. That I shouldn't be reaching out to him because he's already reaching down to me. But with emotional messages, when I see other people reaching out, realizing that they're not worth anything, then I realize it. I realize it because my mind is clear, I'm not worried about the outside world. I'm focusing on God, and my relationship with him.

That's how it should be. That's how I'm trying to make it. It's hard, believe me. But with enough focus I think it will work out great.

So Prayer Is Needed

Alright, so I'll be one of the first to admit that I don't pray very often. But one thing I do more than pray, is wonder why I don't pray as much. I mean really, what is stopping me? It's not like I have to pay to pray, or it's not like I have to go to some special place. I can pray during every moment of my life no matter where I'm at if I wanted to. But yet I choose not to. Instead I choose to pray when I need something. I pray when something good happens.

Not to say either of those two reasons are bad reasons to pray! It's just that, when those are your only two reasons then something has to change and I, myself, am slowly starting to realize it. I'm realizing that I'm getting nowhere spiritually.

I asked one of the closest friends I have the question of "Why do I have to sit down and pray? Why can't I just think it? If God knows all, and knows the depths of my mind why can't I just think my prayer and He be satisfied?" I thought I had him fooled! But I was wrong. He responded with a situation that totally throws my thoughts about what I asked him in reverse. He put it to me as, say you came home every day and your mom was in the kitchen but you never said hey to her. You just thought, "Hey" and expected her to know it was given. What if you never spoke to your mom, or your closest friends, at all. You just thought about them and expected them to know that you care enough about them to think about them but not talk to them. Woah!

So I was shocked. I never thought of it that way. That, even though God knows all, he still wants to talk to us and still wants us to talk to him! But yet I've hit another roadblock. Right now I'm going through a tough time, to be honest. And I find myself praying more. But when I do pray I call myself a hypocrite (post on this coming soon!). I call myself a hypocrite because I don't know if I would be praying then, or would be praying as much if I was happy. If I wasn't wondering why people did some things. If whenever I'm alone I find myself down.

So would I pray as much? Probably not. I feel like I've let myself, and other people, down so much. Because I came out of The Gauntlet saying that my prayer life had been changed. And truthfully it had because before that I never prayed. And when I say never I'm not exaggerating. Of course I'm praying more now, but it's only because I need something. I pray that I have strength daily. Because I need strength right now. O but of course everybody always needs strength! So you're saying it's ok for me to always pray for that, but what if it's all I pray for? I need to work on it.

Prayer is important. It's important to God. God wants us to pray, He doesn't want us to just think about Him. He wants us to talk to others about Him. He wants us to talk directly to Him. Because He is God and He deserves more than we can ever give Him.

How do you act?

Ok, so we all know who Gandhi is, right? Great. Well although Gandhi was a devout Hindu he still studied in the Bible and adopted a lot of Christian values in his own life but yet never chose to follow Christ and accept him into his heart. Why? Why would Gandhi think so highly of God but yet never want to become a Christian? Here is your answer. This is an article I found that explains Gandhi's rejection of becoming a Christian.




Gandhi was asked the question, "Mr. Ghandi, though you quote the words of Christ often, why is that you appear to so adamantly reject becoming his follower?"

Then Ghandi replied, "Oh, I don't reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Apparently Ghandi's rejection of Christianity grew out of an incident that happened when he was a young man practising law in South Africa. He had become attracted to the Christian faith, had studied the Bible and the teachings of Jesus, and was seriously exploring becoming a Christian. And so he decided to attend a church service. As he came up the steps of the large church where he intended to go, a white South African elder of the church barred his way at the door. "Where do you think you're going, kaffir?" the man asked Ghandi in a belligerent tone of voice.

Ghandi replied, "I'd like to attend worship here."

The church elder snarled at him, "There's no room for kaffirs in this church. Get out of here or I'll have my assistants throw you down the steps."

From that moment, Ghandi said, he decided to adopt what good he found in Christianity, but would never again consider becoming a Christian if it meant being part of the church.

Wow, can we just look at Gandhi's respone again, "Oh, I don't reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ." I highly doubt that only challenges me. After coming back from The Gauntlet in Panama I've been challenged with so many different things on my walk with Jesus. It's tough but I absolutely love it.

O, some background info, the word "kaffir" that the white South African guy called Gandhi is the equivalent to our derogatory word for a black person or it could also mean an infidel to Islam people.

So what Gandhi said has lead me to constantly think, "Am I doing anything now, that if someone was watching me, knew I was a Christian, and wanted to learn more about it, would they be encouraged to talk to me about it and think of Christians in a good light or will they be turned away?" I've also found it good to even think this way when you're alone. Because, lets be honest, when you're alone you feel like you can do something and nobody can know about it. Lets use the example of cussing, say you cuss when you're alone but not in front of other people. Do you ever think that that cussing habit will slip out of your private life and you'll say one in front of your peers or friends? When all in all you could've just stopped cussing in your alone time so you have nothing to worry about when you're not alone.

I've also felt the challenge of not being a hypocrite. I felt this way at The Gauntlet. I felt so bad, because I would raise my hands to the songs, close my eyes, and look up, just admiring God and loving him. But then I would think, "Would I do this at Fuse?" And most of the time the answer was no. It wasn't no because of what my friends would think, it would be no because I would have other things on my mind. I would have what I was going to do after Fuse on my mind, what I did before, what Daniel was wearing :-p. Anything like that could be on my mind when all in all it should be God, and solely God. It was solely God in Panama, but that's because I had nothing else to focus on! So that led me to the challenge of when I walk in Fuse, or when I walk in NewSpring on Sunday, to not have anything else on my mind. To have God on my mind. To worry about where I'm going after, well, after (for the slow people, that means that after Fuse is when I would worry about what I was going to do after Fuse).

So w00t for being challenged! It's been awesome and I love it. I love challenging myself, because either way I get to brag to myself about me winning :-p. Whether I lose the challenge then I brag about creating a challenge too tough. Or if I win then I brag to myself that I beat my challenge. It's a win-win.

Lets make a list...

So I have these things about me, that I go a little overboard with. That, in a good size isn't bad, but if you overdo it then it's just not cool at all. And I don't have a problem with any of them I just kind of wanted to examine whatever it is hat I needed to work on.

1.) I worry too much. I really really do. Prime example, if/when Weezy is sick, I worry. I worry a lot. I want to be there for her to take care of her so she won't have to lift a finger. I don't worry about me though. Me I could care less about. But people that I hold very dear to me, I worry and it's just not good. I don't really have a good explanation about why I worry though. Why I care nothing about my own health and well being but would totally devote myself to someone else's. Maybe it's because of exactly what I said. I care more about them, then I do myself.

2.) I'm too hard on myself. And that's just one of my problems. Other people really aren't hard on me so I feel as if I have to be hard on myself to kind of push myself. I know, most of the times I don't show it. But I do it about the small stuff. The little stuff I mess up on and makes my friends mad. Or the stupid stuff I do and don't really consider other people's feelings. And it sucks. But again, I feel as though, if I'm hard on myself then I'll aspire more and get better more also. I also think I HAVE to be hard on myself. And sometimes it's good and others it's not.

3.) I miss Weezy too much. Now this one might sound a little weird and sappy. But I just miss her. Like recently I didn't see her for two days and I missed her. I miss her when I'm not with her for 10 minutes. It's just me. Why do I miss her so much? Because I feel more complete when she's around. I feel more complete when I'm holding her hand and I just feel more like the person I want to be. When we didn't date or anything of that sort I just wasn't as happy on the inside. Weezy's that girl to me. That one girl you find in your life that just completes you and makes you much more happier. Some people say I'm stupid for getting caught up in a girl this early in my life. But I don't really care, I am caught up and I love it. I know, how sappy is that. But it's ok she means more to me than anybody else and I'm not going to be an idiot about anything again that concerns her. I don't want to lose her again. She means wayy to much for me to chance losing her again. That's why I miss her, because every second I'm not around her, I just don't feel myself.

A Servant's Heart?

So in response to a statement saying my last blog sucked and I could do better, I decided to write another one that I had the thought to write yesterday.

Yesterday I was reading a letter that was sent to me by one of the men I hold highest in my life, one of the men I respect most. Brandon Smith was my youth minister for the beginning part of my walk with God and Brandon has coached me through some of the craziest of times.

In his letter he writes,

"A Servant's heart. When I think about you, that's what I think about. You know to lead others that's what it takes. The heart of a leader that doesn't whence when facing the impossible. Exactly who am I kidding? Of course the leader whences. If they didn't whence then they wouldn't be a servant would they?"

Now that hits me hard, because often times I think that I can't show pain, I can't whence in the face of danger to keep myself strong. Everybody does it, everybody wants to look like they are on top of their game, know what's going on in their life and have a firm grip on it. But truth-be-told that's not true most of the time. Everybody doesn't have control of their life all the time. And some of us, including me, get flustered and panic because of it. I don't tell a lot of people my problems because I want to seem strong to people, I think that if I help myself through all my problems then I will become stronger and know how to handle it next time.

But I constantly forget what Brandon is telling me in his opening paragraph above. "Of course the leader whences. If they didn't whence then they wouldn't be a servant would they?" So wait, is this telling me it's ok to show faults and pain? And that when I show faults it's preparing me BETTER for my future rather than holding it in? That blows my mind! It's telling me what I think about holding my problems in isn't the best way to go about it!

Why would that be so though? I mean, letting other people know of my problems and show them my fear actually helps me? But what I forget about, is that you have to go through trials in your life to get to a higher point. And you can't go through those trials alone or you'll just be worn out, tired of life, and problems.

The leader spirit isn't in all of us, I'm not going to lie and say it is. But if you have it and you know you have it, don't be scared to show people you're human! If you keep the servants heart, and become the leader you want to be, you'll be much more highly respected by the people you lead, rather than if they think you're some cyborgsuperhuman who has no feelings :-P.

::EDIT:: In response to Livz's comment about "What kind of a leader am I talking about here", I would say that the leader I'm talking about is the type that people don't look at as a leader. I know it sounds weird, but that's how I feel. If you throw yourself out there as a leader people begin to look at you differently. Relying on your every move to guide them, don't get me wrong, that's what not a bad thing but sometimes it's not the best either. If you can manage to be a leader and not get people to look at you that way, then that's when you know you're doing something right. If you can help people out, but they still look at you as they are even with you and you're not better than them then you're doing something right. That's where a servant's heart comes in. A heart that can handle faults, pain, and pressure but still manage to not think they are better than anybody.

Pressure To Please?

So it was time for me to write a new blog..

..I've been dealing a lot lately with pressure to please people. I think everybody deals with that. Some more than others, which is perfectly fine. Pleasing people is not a bad thing! I'm not saying that at all, all I'm saying is that people can get pressured into pleasing people when they are sacrificing their happiness because of it!

Some people just naturally have a drive to please people and make them happy. But I feel as if you should please people, but in the same aspect, keep yourself happy. Serve others, by all means do that, but don't keep serving to the point where you don't enjoy it! Enjoy helping people out, because people help you out more than you know.

I think a lot of people, especially students our age, have a problem with actually pleasing their parents. Being what they want us to be and making them happy. Which is not a bad thing! I mean, you're living with your parents so naturally you should try and please them and make them happy. But truthbetold some parents just aren't good at expressing to their children the difference between what they expect of them and what truly makes them happy.

To parents, if you got an A on a test then that's what they expect, but they would still be happy with a B. If you understand that. The fact of it is, that parents think they have to expect more out of you to get more. Instead of realizing if they asked us to do our best, found out our best, then asked for a little bit more instead of a lot, it would change our aspect about everything!

Now I know, how stupid do I look talking about what parents do when I'm only 16 and living with only my mom. But just observe how some parents go about telling their kids what they expect of them. They don't say "I expect out of you exactly what you're getting" if they did that then we would never aspire to anything! They have to tell us to reach higher and do better so that we will! But it's not to say they aren't happy with us as we are now, that's not the messege parents are trying to get across to us at all. They are completely happy with you and love you just the same, so don't ever think your parents don't care! Talk to them! Tell them how much they mean to you, open yourself up to them, and they'll open up to you.

Nobody Is Greater Than Anybody

Alright, seriously, this has bothered me and has been brought to my attention a lot, especially lately. What would ever make you think you are better than anybody? Is it because both parents live with you, you have more money than someone else, you don't have family problems and if you do then you know how to deal with them, or is it because you think you know someone better than they know themselves, it's almost like you know what they want and what's better for them without even, well, being them. It's almost like you look down on people who have different problems than you and you know how to deal with them but they don't. What if they express their problems in poetry and you express yours in your all out donkey persona you give out? Is their way wrong because it's not the way you think is "socially acceptable"? Would you look down on somebody who has problems in their life that they don't know how to express them, and when they find the only way to get it out, they get bashed because of it. Really, how great is that going to make them feel after it all? Then it gets to a whole different level when you go and express all this jank to your friends openly to make yourself seem like even more of a jerk. But what about if you feel the need to go up and actually tell the person how to live their life?! Is your way better than their way? Are you getting along in life better than them? It's one thing if you're giving them advice you know won't hurt their feelings, but if you go and bash them about every single thing they do, and tell them the way they should live their life rather than advising them on how to do it that's where you go wrong.

Dating, The Hardest Part Of A Life?

I recently got told by a very good friend that, "You don't need to feel like you need a girlfriend." Now usually I would just bypass this and think it was someone trying to get into my business but I highly respect this friend so I started thinking about what they might mean when they told me this. Now I'm not trying to date her (the friend is a she) nor am I trying to actually 'date' any of her friends, so it got me thinking, "What could I have done to make her think that I need a girlfriend?" I, truthfully, had that told to me all last year, that "You don't need a girlfriend" but the thing is, I did feel like that last year, I felt like I needed one. But I realized that I didn't, that's not to say I'm not open for relationships, just that I don't constantly feel like I need one like that anymore. I realized that all "love" is, is an added bonus to life, a perk that God gave us for happiness. We all know that when you're in "love" you're so happy, so enthusiastic that nothing can stop you. You are at the top of the world, and there's nothing wrong with that. But what I think people miss, is that you can get to that peak without being in love. You can love life without being in love with someone. Now I'm not telling anybody to not try to fall in love, I'm afraid this is how it's going to come out. But it's not like that. I'm just saying that, in high school or anytime you're feeling lonely, you don't need to go out looking for love to fill that void. If a prospect comes along, by all means, try it. If you feel like someone special has come along and you always want to be with them, you could talk them for hours on end and not get bored, and you know that when you're with them you will smile every minute and have the time of your life, then please don't pass that up.
People get so accustomed to going to their significant others that they tend to forget the power of friends. And even so, you should always become great friends with the person you're interested in anyways, before you even think about dating them. You should know that the person will be there for you, protect you, care for you, and love you. If the person can't do that while you're friends, then the person can't do that while you're dating.
Now I think it's safe to say that we all like the feeling of companionship but that's not to say that anybody 'needs' a significant other. I felt like I did last year because of a, I guess you can say, "void" in my self-being because when I thought of a girlfriend, I thought of a person who you can think of and know that they "love" you or "care" for you and that's what I needed. I needed a person there to remind me that I'm cared for. But as I got more involved in NewSpring I realized that a person of the opposite sex that you can hold hands and kiss doesn't have to be the one to show you that you're "cared" for. There are plenty of people out there that would do anything for you. It took me about two years to realize this, but hey, better late than never :-P
But with that, feeling that need of "care" and "love" is not wrong in any way. You're not a bad person because you feel that way, and you're not any less of a good person either. It just means somewhere in your life you had that void. Maybe a parent let you down, or a best friend just wasn't there for you. But your friends can cover that void for you though, you don't need a girl under your arm or a guy to call you every night to feel like you're "loved". Believe me, I know

Who Cares About Getting The Credit?

So, credit yah? Who really cares to get the credit? Take for example, Ms. Bucks, at FUSE on Wednesday lost the chance to get an iPod Nano (They did a sort of Let's Make A Deal type thing where they gave Ms. Bucks $1 and showed 3 boxes and gave her the option to trade the dollar for something under one of the 3 boxes, first time she chose box #3 which had a can of Spam in it. So now she had a can of Spam and Saunders asked if she wanted to trade it for something under the remaining two boxes. She chose box #2 which had a $25 Simon giftcard in it. Now knowing FUSE there could be something totally disgusting under box #1 so, naturally, she kept the giftcard. But then they pulled out the iPod Nano she could've won if she traded the giftcard. But I heard she already had an iPod so this is where the post comes in. What would you do if you got an iPod but already had one.) What if you got the iPod but yet you already had one. Would you sell it on Ebay, give it to someone you love or a close friend that you know doesn't have one but yet might not ever use it, or would you give it to someone who you just know through a friend but you know would use it much more than your close friend? If you gave it to the close friend would you want them to know it was you so they might feel like they "owe" you something back, or they would feel like you're a better friend than another person. Would that make you feel more self-worth or importance than just giving it to them anonymously and them being ecstatic about just being given this gift? What about the Ebay idea though, I mean, you would get money that you might need and you know if they are willing to spend the money on it they would use it. And that would also go back to the friend(s) choice with the question, "What if your friend had the money to buy the iPod, would they use it to buy the iPod or do they have other stuff on mind that might not be of any need in their life?" But what if you know they didn't have the money, would you still give it to them or sell it on Ebay for money? You also have to keep in mind that selling it on Ebay all you would get is money, you wouldn't get any special feeling that you made somebody ecstatic by giving them a gift they thought they would never obtain and even if you did tell the friend, you would get no pride or higher ranking with the buyer. So that leads to the question, what do you want more in life pride for yourself or happiness for others.

Who's Number One?

Why do we look out for ourselves before other people? Do we really feel that much self-worth that we deserve something and somebody else doesn't? What makes one person better than another? Is it the clothes they wear, the people they hang out with, the car they drive, or how rich their parents are? Does any of those things define a person? No, but why are those the things most of us tend to look at first when we are meeting someone? Do you meet someone and notice their stylish and expensive clothes or do you notice how outgoing their personality is?
I just don't think it should happen like that anymore. Instead of looking out for yourself and making sure you're fantastic (great + great), just give one of your greats to other people. See how it works out.

Opportunity vs. Risk

Is it wrong to wait for something you want? No matter how long you have to wait, as long as you think it's worth it. What if it impacts you in small ways? Makes you pass up other opportunities that could potentially be better. Do you even care though if you're waiting for that one special opportunity that you know, if it pays off, will be better and worth more than all of them combined?
Waiting, just waiting, for that opportunity that you know, if given the chance, you can show the world that when you're thinking this opportunity is bigger than any other, you're thinking completely right.
But with one of the questions earlier, what if you have to pass up other opportunities? You pass them up and the one you're waiting for doens't pay off? Are you considered an idiot or passionate for what you thought. Should you take a risk? Is it worth it?

So I Have A New Blog

So I totally have a new blog and this one, I promise, won't be as boring as the last one. Whenever I'm searching through good ole' World Wide Web and I find something, I think, everybody should find out, know, or discuss then I'll post it on here and I hope to get some kind of discussion out of it. Although i doubt anybody looks at it I will still see what is up. Or this could be for my own personal use :) who knows.