Hypocracy in worshiping?

So hypocracy eh?

Ok, start off, who thinks that they are a hypocrite just one time during any day? Yes, I raised my hand. And this whole feeling stemmed when I went to The Gauntlet '06.

Yes I know, it was 4billion months ago but I'm still wearing the bracelet so I still get to talk about it.

Worship at The Gauntlet was amazing! I called Weezy every night, and I remember telling her one of two things every night, 1.) How tired I was from jumping around so much or 2.) How much I bawled like a baby. Seriously! I mean every night I jumped around and/or cried. It was intense! But I realized that I, as well as other people, do something that I'm not too happy about. I focus on my surroundings.

My worship experience is affected by how other people are taking it and how I feel when I walk in. I don't think it should be that way at all. At The Gauntlet I was so passionate. I hate to admit it but I was. I hate to admit it for the sole reason that I can't say that about every one of my times at FUSE. I mean, why was it different? Why was I passionate there but not every time at FUSE? Because of my surroundings. Because nobody around me was worried about the outside world, we knew what we were there for and we were there to worship God in all His glory. No worries about who we're going to hang out with after, who made you mad before, who you're sitting beside, or if you weren't "satisfied" with a message. That's my next post, watch out! But in FUSE I find myself worrying.

Now I'm not one to care about what people think. I'm truly not. And this post is going to make me sound like a hypocrite (ironic, eh?) but I really don't care. But in FUSE I just found myself more influenced to raise my hands, jump around, or just close my eyes when I see other people doing it. When I saw other people worshiping the way I wanted to, it influenced me! And yes, I feel bad for it. I feel like a hypocrite when I raise my hands to one song one week, and hear the same song one of the following weeks and I don't.

What is making me do that? I mean, the songs don't change, and the way somebody sings them, whether it be Lee, Daniel, or Andrew singing them, any one of them I love listening to. What is it that makes me more comfortable to be a Jesus Lover when I see other people doing it, rather then when I'm just alone? You know what I think it is? I think it's me being too confident in it.

I have typed stuff and backspaced stuff for 10 minutes now trying to explain how I'm too confident with it but I've come up with nothing. All I can think of is, that I know I'm a christian and with most messages it doesn't hit me that I'm a major screw up and don't deserve even for God to think about me. That I shouldn't be reaching out to him because he's already reaching down to me. But with emotional messages, when I see other people reaching out, realizing that they're not worth anything, then I realize it. I realize it because my mind is clear, I'm not worried about the outside world. I'm focusing on God, and my relationship with him.

That's how it should be. That's how I'm trying to make it. It's hard, believe me. But with enough focus I think it will work out great.