Teen Insights?!

I Want To Be A Photographer

2007-08-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

Holy junk....

Look at this photo

http://www.flickr.com/photos/27166589@N00/1036568295

Awesome.

In the meantime I'm visiting family for a few days.

So I'll post something Friday night.

Also I'm looking to making this more of a casual blog with sometimes deep thoughts. Should work out great :-).

How Can I Believe?

2007-08-06T14:17:00.000-05:00

Do I really believe all this God stuff is true that I'm posting about?

C. S. Lewis is more profound then I can ever hope of being. I found this quote of his on atheism a couple days ago and it struck me very hard.

"When I was an atheist my argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such violent reaction against it?... Thus in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist--in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless. I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality--namely my idea of justice--was full of sense. Consequently atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning."-C. S. Lewis

Ok so I know it was really deep. Read it a couple times. You'll understand. The biggest thing to me though was the line I put in bold. "A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line".

Basically. How can you tell something is broken? By knowing what it looks like, how it should act, and what it's purpose is when it's in correct working order. So how can you call society, yourself, or other people messed up unless you have an idea of how it can be fixed? You don't look at something you have no clue how to work and call it messed up.

So... How do you know? How do you know what you're suppose to be like in your prime? What society is suppose to be like and how far astray we actually are? If you're a christian it's your faith and trust in The Bible that puts the thoughts of perfection in you. The hopes and dreams of a perfect world. But what if you're not a christian? If you don't believe in The Bible? What do you do then?

Start Believing. What else is there to do? You could listen to the nothingness of a world without God. Maybe something will pop up for you. It's hard to explain why you should believe in The Bible because to anybody who sits down and starts to read Matthew with an open mind it's hard to believe anything else. It's so simple and it clicks that this is the way it worked. That a 'big boom' didn't occur. That yes there are hairy men but they still look nothing like monkeys. That anything else you can think of just didn't happen because you are presented with it in a whole new light.

Try it out. Why not? What have you got to lose? Ten... Fifteen minutes? Big deal. If you don't want to what's holding you back? Are you afraid of what it might cost? How your life might change? Big deal. Do it. Don't hold back because you're afraid of what might happen. You'll never know until you try right?

Once you step out, it's yours to do with what you will.

Being Human.

2007-08-04T18:55:00.000-05:00

I sat here for a while... Trying to figure out a good subject to post about.

And I felt kind of bad because I have a lot of drafts half-written. But I was trying to think of something that didn't focus on... God.

It was hopeless.

I know all of my posts go back on something to do with God. And if you examine the posts you realize that I'm typing about these because it's things that I struggle with myself. Then you have to ask yourself, "If he's struggling with all of these things, and he admits it, why is he trying to tell me how to make it better? Does he even listen to his own advice?"

The answer: I have no clue. And I try.

I'm clueless when it comes to why I do these things. Why do I blog about stuff that I'm struggling with? Isn't it suppose to be something private that you don't want anybody to know about? Why would you want someone to know that you aren't perfect? Because it helps me be human. I try not to hide anything I'm struggling with in hopes that someone out there that knows more than me can help me out. And what better way to make it public than a blog?

Helps you be human?! Yeah. I think a lot of us are caught up in trying to be more. Trying to be this robot that our parents want us to be. Trying to be this push-over that our friends or significant other would so love for us to be. And all any of us are is human. Don't try to be more than you are, or less for that matter. God made us as humans. He didn't make us animals or angels. So why should we try to act like them?

Not try to act like an angel? Yes. Angels were created before humans in the timeline of creation. But, angels are suppose to be perfect and holy and that's what God wants us to be right? He wants us to strive to be that way. He wants to know we have the desire to be closer to Him. We will never achieve the closeness we ultimately want while we're here on earth being what God made us to be. Humans. So understand you are human, you make mistakes, and you're not perfect. It's ok. God intended it to be that way.

God intended it to be that way? But Hoyt, Adam and Eve were made as perfect people. But once they sinned and ate the apple that's when we were condemned to mess up for the rest of our lives. So initially God wanted us to be perfect. Right? Kind of. Do you think, if God wanted us to be perfect after Eve ate the apple and offered it to Adam that God succumbed to us? Thought there was nothing more he could do? No. He could've wiped everything away again and started fresh. But he didn't. He chose to grant us the gift of free will. It's part of this grace thing God is good at. Be thankful. We don't deserve it but God saw fit to give it to us. Praise Him for it.

So you take your own advice, right? Ask anybody who ever gives advice. It's harder for somebody to listen to their own advice rather than take somebody else's. I try to listen to myself. To look at my blogs, know I'm struggling with whatever it might be, and help myself. But sometimes it doesn't work. But I hope it helps other people. I think when I'm done helping people, myself included, I'll be dead. I sure won't blog anymore after that happens eh?

You value... what?

2007-08-02T18:16:00.000-05:00

I lost $50 today.

I put it in my right front pocket to get it out later. And when later arrived, it was gone. It was a $50 dollar bill.

Was I disappointed? You bet I was. That's fifty bucks that I don't have anymore. And I looked for a good while around the house here and couldn't find it. My bet is I either lost it at Wal-Mart when my dad and I went to go get some stuff. Or I lost it when we sat down to eat some bbq at this place.

But I had to look at it this way. I'm going to make more money in the future. And it's only money. WHAT?!?!?!?

Yeah, it's only money. There's more of it. It's not a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to gain this money. And I don't personally believe in coincidence so to me, this happened for a reason. Maybe somebody who needed it more was going to walk by there today. A person that couldn't afford food for their baby or really needed just a little more money for the rent. So hey, it's all good. But what's more valuable to you?

Family. Family is awesome. I'm starting to realize how much you value it as-of-late. I'm spending time with my dad right now who I haven't been able to spend much time with in the past. And I love it. He's teaching me things that a guy is supposed to know and we're having all that father-son time you would expect two people to have. So it's awesome to have family. I've lived without a father for a while now, and even when I had a step-dad later in the times it wasn't enjoyable at all. So, people, especially teens, dislike their parents. Want to move away when their 18, or the soonest possible time. And never want to turn back. To move far away when college comes so they won't have to visit their parents because they made their teenage life a living hell. And that sucks. It sucks to have your parents treat you like they seem not to care. And often parents use the power they have for reasons even they don't know. But they DID raise you. Or foster parents raised you. Aka you had somebody that cared enough about you to not drop you off on the street. Look up the cost to 1.) have a kid 2.) furnish a room for your new kid 3.) feed another person in your life. It's a lot. So be thankful even if you don't like them. They could've been more mean.

Sleep. Sleep is valuable but come on. Get up before noon in the summer. Don't be lazy. You can get so much done in the morning and then have the afternoons off. I'm done with this one. Get up off your bum and do something. Atleast watch a morning talkshow.

Friends. Friends are awesome. Frickin' awesome. Get a best friend. A person you can tell everything to. Help get some stuff out. Get a group of friends who you enjoy being around. Who won't put you down and bring you up in every aspect of your life. I had a friend who always put me down and it sucked. I wasn't happy. Get you a friend who brings you up and you can have fun with. It will be awesome.

Breathing. That's awesome. Enjoy it. Because if it gets taken away you're dead. So try not to take it for granted.

Sorry this is a long post.

Opposite Sex. Yes. Women for me thank you. It's awesome. Just value them. Don't take them for granted because if their giving you the time of day be very thankful.

Hearing. Right now I'm listening to The Rise Guys podcast for today. It's awesome because I can hear it. Without my sense of hearing I wouldn't be able to listen to everything I do. It's weird eh? But it's awesome.

I could go on for a while about everything, but you understand right? Why not appreciate Jesus?

Jesus. Everything I named came from God. It's weird eh? How everything we appreciate has been GIVEN to you. Have you earned any of it? Did you pay your friends to keep you or your family to consummate you? Now you might have payed a women to keep you company but that's not morally right and you need to repent because at that moment she is very valuable to somebody and you're treating her like she's a piece of meat. Not cool man. So throw appreciation where it's due. That requires you to not take advantage of anything. And pray. Talk. Something I have to work on also. Do it. You didn't earn anything. It was given to you. So be thankful.

And it's only money.

Self Realization.

2007-07-31T20:07:00.000-05:00

So if you look down 2 blog posts you will see a post around the subject of prayer. And if you look at the date you will see it's a little over a year ago. And the whole reason I wrote that blog is because my prayer life sucked. It sucked going into The Gauntlet '06, was awesome there, and sucked coming out of it. My prayer life sucked going into The Gauntlet '07, was awesome there, and sucked coming out of it even though I promised myself to not make the same mistake I did the previous year. Yet I made it. And I'm telling you. Why?

What do I see prayer as? Talk. I see it as you talking to God. It's kind of like taking time out of your day to talk to your mom or dad. They pay for your stuff and raised you, so why should you feel the need to ignore them? Same with God except for He gave His son. Bigger deal. But more forgiveness believe-it-or-not.

And I'm typing this, and I realize that I know what I do wrong and I know why I shouldn't. But what I'm trying to figure out is why I don't listen to myself. How I can know what I do wrong but still never do anything about it. I read religious book after religious book. And chances are they all have something to do with prayer in them, and I read them and know that the majority of them are right. And I try to help myself but I can't get it. I can't get it around my egotistical head that this show is not THAT important or my extra 10 minutes of sleep is something I need MORE than a conversation with God.

And I sit here, almost ashamed of what I've become. Of how it seems like I have an awesome relationship with God to people who see me at Fuse or Sunday mornings because I know all the words to the songs, or raise my hands, or act in front of kids teaching them about Jesus. And I'm about to lead a small group also and to do that I need to start reading the Bible more myself, but that's a different post. But how I don't live up to any of it when I'm alone.

I can talk all day of how God wants them to become and not read the Bible once. I can just reciprocate words and phrases that I've already heard and they sound good. So if I know all this and know how to live my life the way God wants me to, why pray or read? Go down the couple posts and read that one, read the third and fourth paragraph.

That's why. And that's something I still can't get a handle on. I personally think it's an ego problem. Because I like sleep. And when I do pray at night or early in the morning, 99% of the time I've yawned in the middle of them. I took it as a sign. A very idiotic thing of me to do but it's me. So I did it. Quiet time takes minutes out of my day that I could use checking Facebook or sleeping. And obviously those things are more important to me than praying or reading the Bible.

I've come up to NC to spend some time with my dad and am staying for almost 2 full weeks. Did I bring a Bible? No. But I did bring a book by Chuck Palahniuk, the author of Fight Club. It's called 'Choke' and it's about this guy who chokes on pieces of food in high class restaurants and gets the people who saved him to send him money. That's how he gets his money. So much better than the Bible I guess. I chose that over It anyway.

I choose things that appeal more to my physical senses rather than my spiritual ones. Why is that? I think it's because I've spent my time honing my physical onces all my life. And the spiritual ones have always taken a back seat.

I'm not smart. I can't get myself wrapped around myself. I think too highly of myself to put faith in God. I'm dumb.

God is big. God is forever lasting. And I know that. Why can't I do anything?

No clue. I'm going to reflect. Thanks for listening blogspot.

P.S. This blog from time-to-time will have my thoughts on it talking to other people, or my thoughts on it talking to myself about how stupid I am. Also it will include prayers. I think I'm going to start that. Yeah. I don't know how frequent it will be. But it will kind of be like a public accountability to whoever reads it. If I haven't typed a prayer in a while that means I haven't prayed. So call me out.

Back In The Saddle.

2007-07-29T21:31:00.000-05:00

I've missed blogging.

I stopped for a while and I can't tell you exactly why either. All I can tell you is that I realized blogging got a lot off my chest. It's kind of like my public diary or journal, except for a more manly way to go about it :-).

Right now, I have junk to write about (that means nothing.) And yes I realized I have left posts up from over a year ago or something on here and the reason being is so you can see that I once DID blog and liked it. So don't give up hope on me when I have a bad blogging day because everybody knows we all have them.

So I announced my coming back. And I'll keep to my word within the next few nights. I'm working on a couple at one time. Promise.

Hypocracy in worshiping?

2006-08-15T18:53:00.000-05:00

So hypocracy eh?

Ok, start off, who thinks that they are a hypocrite just one time during any day? Yes, I raised my hand. And this whole feeling stemmed when I went to The Gauntlet '06.

Yes I know, it was 4billion months ago but I'm still wearing the bracelet so I still get to talk about it.

Worship at The Gauntlet was amazing! I called Weezy every night, and I remember telling her one of two things every night, 1.) How tired I was from jumping around so much or 2.) How much I bawled like a baby. Seriously! I mean every night I jumped around and/or cried. It was intense! But I realized that I, as well as other people, do something that I'm not too happy about. I focus on my surroundings.

My worship experience is affected by how other people are taking it and how I feel when I walk in. I don't think it should be that way at all. At The Gauntlet I was so passionate. I hate to admit it but I was. I hate to admit it for the sole reason that I can't say that about every one of my times at FUSE. I mean, why was it different? Why was I passionate there but not every time at FUSE? Because of my surroundings. Because nobody around me was worried about the outside world, we knew what we were there for and we were there to worship God in all His glory. No worries about who we're going to hang out with after, who made you mad before, who you're sitting beside, or if you weren't "satisfied" with a message. That's my next post, watch out! But in FUSE I find myself worrying.

Now I'm not one to care about what people think. I'm truly not. And this post is going to make me sound like a hypocrite (ironic, eh?) but I really don't care. But in FUSE I just found myself more influenced to raise my hands, jump around, or just close my eyes when I see other people doing it. When I saw other people worshiping the way I wanted to, it influenced me! And yes, I feel bad for it. I feel like a hypocrite when I raise my hands to one song one week, and hear the same song one of the following weeks and I don't.

What is making me do that? I mean, the songs don't change, and the way somebody sings them, whether it be Lee, Daniel, or Andrew singing them, any one of them I love listening to. What is it that makes me more comfortable to be a Jesus Lover when I see other people doing it, rather then when I'm just alone? You know what I think it is? I think it's me being too confident in it.

I have typed stuff and backspaced stuff for 10 minutes now trying to explain how I'm too confident with it but I've come up with nothing. All I can think of is, that I know I'm a christian and with most messages it doesn't hit me that I'm a major screw up and don't deserve even for God to think about me. That I shouldn't be reaching out to him because he's already reaching down to me. But with emotional messages, when I see other people reaching out, realizing that they're not worth anything, then I realize it. I realize it because my mind is clear, I'm not worried about the outside world. I'm focusing on God, and my relationship with him.

That's how it should be. That's how I'm trying to make it. It's hard, believe me. But with enough focus I think it will work out great.

So Prayer Is Needed

2006-07-25T08:38:00.000-05:00

Alright, so I'll be one of the first to admit that I don't pray very often. But one thing I do more than pray, is wonder why I don't pray as much. I mean really, what is stopping me? It's not like I have to pay to pray, or it's not like I have to go to some special place. I can pray during every moment of my life no matter where I'm at if I wanted to. But yet I choose not to. Instead I choose to pray when I need something. I pray when something good happens.

Not to say either of those two reasons are bad reasons to pray! It's just that, when those are your only two reasons then something has to change and I, myself, am slowly starting to realize it. I'm realizing that I'm getting nowhere spiritually.

I asked one of the closest friends I have the question of "Why do I have to sit down and pray? Why can't I just think it? If God knows all, and knows the depths of my mind why can't I just think my prayer and He be satisfied?" I thought I had him fooled! But I was wrong. He responded with a situation that totally throws my thoughts about what I asked him in reverse. He put it to me as, say you came home every day and your mom was in the kitchen but you never said hey to her. You just thought, "Hey" and expected her to know it was given. What if you never spoke to your mom, or your closest friends, at all. You just thought about them and expected them to know that you care enough about them to think about them but not talk to them. Woah!

So I was shocked. I never thought of it that way. That, even though God knows all, he still wants to talk to us and still wants us to talk to him! But yet I've hit another roadblock. Right now I'm going through a tough time, to be honest. And I find myself praying more. But when I do pray I call myself a hypocrite (post on this coming soon!). I call myself a hypocrite because I don't know if I would be praying then, or would be praying as much if I was happy. If I wasn't wondering why people did some things. If whenever I'm alone I find myself down.

So would I pray as much? Probably not. I feel like I've let myself, and other people, down so much. Because I came out of The Gauntlet saying that my prayer life had been changed. And truthfully it had because before that I never prayed. And when I say never I'm not exaggerating. Of course I'm praying more now, but it's only because I need something. I pray that I have strength daily. Because I need strength right now. O but of course everybody always needs strength! So you're saying it's ok for me to always pray for that, but what if it's all I pray for? I need to work on it.

Prayer is important. It's important to God. God wants us to pray, He doesn't want us to just think about Him. He wants us to talk to others about Him. He wants us to talk directly to Him. Because He is God and He deserves more than we can ever give Him.

How do you act?

2006-06-28T10:25:00.000-05:00

Ok, so we all know who Gandhi is, right? Great. Well although Gandhi was a devout Hindu he still studied in the Bible and adopted a lot of Christian values in his own life but yet never chose to follow Christ and accept him into his heart. Why? Why would Gandhi think so highly of God but yet never want to become a Christian? Here is your answer. This is an article I found that explains Gandhi's rejection of becoming a Christian.

Gandhi was asked the question, "Mr. Ghandi, though you quote the words of Christ often, why is that you appear to so adamantly reject becoming his follower?"

Then Ghandi replied, "Oh, I don't reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Apparently Ghandi's rejection of Christianity grew out of an incident that happened when he was a young man practising law in South Africa. He had become attracted to the Christian faith, had studied the Bible and the teachings of Jesus, and was seriously exploring becoming a Christian. And so he decided to attend a church service. As he came up the steps of the large church where he intended to go, a white South African elder of the church barred his way at the door. "Where do you think you're going, kaffir?" the man asked Ghandi in a belligerent tone of voice.

Ghandi replied, "I'd like to attend worship here."

The church elder snarled at him, "There's no room for kaffirs in this church. Get out of here or I'll have my assistants throw you down the steps."

From that moment, Ghandi said, he decided to adopt what good he found in Christianity, but would never again consider becoming a Christian if it meant being part of the church.

Wow, can we just look at Gandhi's respone again, "Oh, I don't reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ." I highly doubt that only challenges me. After coming back from The Gauntlet in Panama I've been challenged with so many different things on my walk with Jesus. It's tough but I absolutely love it.

O, some background info, the word "kaffir" that the white South African guy called Gandhi is the equivalent to our derogatory word for a black person or it could also mean an infidel to Islam people.

So what Gandhi said has lead me to constantly think, "Am I doing anything now, that if someone was watching me, knew I was a Christian, and wanted to learn more about it, would they be encouraged to talk to me about it and think of Christians in a good light or will they be turned away?" I've also found it good to even think this way when you're alone. Because, lets be honest, when you're alone you feel like you can do something and nobody can know about it. Lets use the example of cussing, say you cuss when you're alone but not in front of other people. Do you ever think that that cussing habit will slip out of your private life and you'll say one in front of your peers or friends? When all in all you could've just stopped cussing in your alone time so you have nothing to worry about when you're not alone.

I've also felt the challenge of not being a hypocrite. I felt this way at The Gauntlet. I felt so bad, because I would raise my hands to the songs, close my eyes, and look up, just admiring God and loving him. But then I would think, "Would I do this at Fuse?" And most of the time the answer was no. It wasn't no because of what my friends would think, it would be no because I would have other things on my mind. I would have what I was going to do after Fuse on my mind, what I did before, what Daniel was wearing :-p. Anything like that could be on my mind when all in all it should be God, and solely God. It was solely God in Panama, but that's because I had nothing else to focus on! So that led me to the challenge of when I walk in Fuse, or when I walk in NewSpring on Sunday, to not have anything else on my mind. To have God on my mind. To worry about where I'm going after, well, after (for the slow people, that means that after Fuse is when I would worry about what I was going to do after Fuse).

So w00t for being challenged! It's been awesome and I love it. I love challenging myself, because either way I get to brag to myself about me winning :-p. Whether I lose the challenge then I brag about creating a challenge too tough. Or if I win then I brag to myself that I beat my challenge. It's a win-win.

Lets make a list...

2006-06-27T15:14:00.000-05:00

So I have these things about me, that I go a little overboard with. That, in a good size isn't bad, but if you overdo it then it's just not cool at all. And I don't have a problem with any of them I just kind of wanted to examine whatever it is hat I needed to work on.

1.) I worry too much. I really really do. Prime example, if/when Weezy is sick, I worry. I worry a lot. I want to be there for her to take care of her so she won't have to lift a finger. I don't worry about me though. Me I could care less about. But people that I hold very dear to me, I worry and it's just not good. I don't really have a good explanation about why I worry though. Why I care nothing about my own health and well being but would totally devote myself to someone else's. Maybe it's because of exactly what I said. I care more about them, then I do myself.

2.) I'm too hard on myself. And that's just one of my problems. Other people really aren't hard on me so I feel as if I have to be hard on myself to kind of push myself. I know, most of the times I don't show it. But I do it about the small stuff. The little stuff I mess up on and makes my friends mad. Or the stupid stuff I do and don't really consider other people's feelings. And it sucks. But again, I feel as though, if I'm hard on myself then I'll aspire more and get better more also. I also think I HAVE to be hard on myself. And sometimes it's good and others it's not.

3.) I miss Weezy too much. Now this one might sound a little weird and sappy. But I just miss her. Like recently I didn't see her for two days and I missed her. I miss her when I'm not with her for 10 minutes. It's just me. Why do I miss her so much? Because I feel more complete when she's around. I feel more complete when I'm holding her hand and I just feel more like the person I want to be. When we didn't date or anything of that sort I just wasn't as happy on the inside. Weezy's that girl to me. That one girl you find in your life that just completes you and makes you much more happier. Some people say I'm stupid for getting caught up in a girl this early in my life. But I don't really care, I am caught up and I love it. I know, how sappy is that. But it's ok she means more to me than anybody else and I'm not going to be an idiot about anything again that concerns her. I don't want to lose her again. She means wayy to much for me to chance losing her again. That's why I miss her, because every second I'm not around her, I just don't feel myself.

A Servant's Heart?

2006-05-21T21:37:00.000-05:00

So in response to a statement saying my last blog sucked and I could do better, I decided to write another one that I had the thought to write yesterday.

Yesterday I was reading a letter that was sent to me by one of the men I hold highest in my life, one of the men I respect most. Brandon Smith was my youth minister for the beginning part of my walk with God and Brandon has coached me through some of the craziest of times.

In his letter he writes,

"A Servant's heart. When I think about you, that's what I think about. You know to lead others that's what it takes. The heart of a leader that doesn't whence when facing the impossible. Exactly who am I kidding? Of course the leader whences. If they didn't whence then they wouldn't be a servant would they?"

Now that hits me hard, because often times I think that I can't show pain, I can't whence in the face of danger to keep myself strong. Everybody does it, everybody wants to look like they are on top of their game, know what's going on in their life and have a firm grip on it. But truth-be-told that's not true most of the time. Everybody doesn't have control of their life all the time. And some of us, including me, get flustered and panic because of it. I don't tell a lot of people my problems because I want to seem strong to people, I think that if I help myself through all my problems then I will become stronger and know how to handle it next time.

But I constantly forget what Brandon is telling me in his opening paragraph above. "Of course the leader whences. If they didn't whence then they wouldn't be a servant would they?" So wait, is this telling me it's ok to show faults and pain? And that when I show faults it's preparing me BETTER for my future rather than holding it in? That blows my mind! It's telling me what I think about holding my problems in isn't the best way to go about it!

Why would that be so though? I mean, letting other people know of my problems and show them my fear actually helps me? But what I forget about, is that you have to go through trials in your life to get to a higher point. And you can't go through those trials alone or you'll just be worn out, tired of life, and problems.

The leader spirit isn't in all of us, I'm not going to lie and say it is. But if you have it and you know you have it, don't be scared to show people you're human! If you keep the servants heart, and become the leader you want to be, you'll be much more highly respected by the people you lead, rather than if they think you're some cyborgsuperhuman who has no feelings :-P.

::EDIT:: In response to Livz's comment about "What kind of a leader am I talking about here", I would say that the leader I'm talking about is the type that people don't look at as a leader. I know it sounds weird, but that's how I feel. If you throw yourself out there as a leader people begin to look at you differently. Relying on your every move to guide them, don't get me wrong, that's what not a bad thing but sometimes it's not the best either. If you can manage to be a leader and not get people to look at you that way, then that's when you know you're doing something right. If you can help people out, but they still look at you as they are even with you and you're not better than them then you're doing something right. That's where a servant's heart comes in. A heart that can handle faults, pain, and pressure but still manage to not think they are better than anybody.

Pressure To Please?

2006-05-20T12:52:00.000-05:00

So it was time for me to write a new blog..

..I've been dealing a lot lately with pressure to please people. I think everybody deals with that. Some more than others, which is perfectly fine. Pleasing people is not a bad thing! I'm not saying that at all, all I'm saying is that people can get pressured into pleasing people when they are sacrificing their happiness because of it!

Some people just naturally have a drive to please people and make them happy. But I feel as if you should please people, but in the same aspect, keep yourself happy. Serve others, by all means do that, but don't keep serving to the point where you don't enjoy it! Enjoy helping people out, because people help you out more than you know.

I think a lot of people, especially students our age, have a problem with actually pleasing their parents. Being what they want us to be and making them happy. Which is not a bad thing! I mean, you're living with your parents so naturally you should try and please them and make them happy. But truthbetold some parents just aren't good at expressing to their children the difference between what they expect of them and what truly makes them happy.

To parents, if you got an A on a test then that's what they expect, but they would still be happy with a B. If you understand that. The fact of it is, that parents think they have to expect more out of you to get more. Instead of realizing if they asked us to do our best, found out our best, then asked for a little bit more instead of a lot, it would change our aspect about everything!

Now I know, how stupid do I look talking about what parents do when I'm only 16 and living with only my mom. But just observe how some parents go about telling their kids what they expect of them. They don't say "I expect out of you exactly what you're getting" if they did that then we would never aspire to anything! They have to tell us to reach higher and do better so that we will! But it's not to say they aren't happy with us as we are now, that's not the messege parents are trying to get across to us at all. They are completely happy with you and love you just the same, so don't ever think your parents don't care! Talk to them! Tell them how much they mean to you, open yourself up to them, and they'll open up to you.

Nobody Is Greater Than Anybody

2006-04-15T11:34:00.000-05:00

Alright, seriously, this has bothered me and has been brought to my attention a lot, especially lately. What would ever make you think you are better than anybody? Is it because both parents live with you, you have more money than someone else, you don't have family problems and if you do then you know how to deal with them, or is it because you think you know someone better than they know themselves, it's almost like you know what they want and what's better for them without even, well, being them. It's almost like you look down on people who have different problems than you and you know how to deal with them but they don't. What if they express their problems in poetry and you express yours in your all out donkey persona you give out? Is their way wrong because it's not the way you think is "socially acceptable"? Would you look down on somebody who has problems in their life that they don't know how to express them, and when they find the only way to get it out, they get bashed because of it. Really, how great is that going to make them feel after it all? Then it gets to a whole different level when you go and express all this jank to your friends openly to make yourself seem like even more of a jerk. But what about if you feel the need to go up and actually tell the person how to live their life?! Is your way better than their way? Are you getting along in life better than them? It's one thing if you're giving them advice you know won't hurt their feelings, but if you go and bash them about every single thing they do, and tell them the way they should live their life rather than advising them on how to do it that's where you go wrong.

Dating, The Hardest Part Of A Life?

2006-04-01T10:07:00.000-05:00

I recently got told by a very good friend that, "You don't need to feel like you need a girlfriend." Now usually I would just bypass this and think it was someone trying to get into my business but I highly respect this friend so I started thinking about what they might mean when they told me this. Now I'm not trying to date her (the friend is a she) nor am I trying to actually 'date' any of her friends, so it got me thinking, "What could I have done to make her think that I need a girlfriend?" I, truthfully, had that told to me all last year, that "You don't need a girlfriend" but the thing is, I did feel like that last year, I felt like I needed one. But I realized that I didn't, that's not to say I'm not open for relationships, just that I don't constantly feel like I need one like that anymore. I realized that all "love" is, is an added bonus to life, a perk that God gave us for happiness. We all know that when you're in "love" you're so happy, so enthusiastic that nothing can stop you. You are at the top of the world, and there's nothing wrong with that. But what I think people miss, is that you can get to that peak without being in love. You can love life without being in love with someone. Now I'm not telling anybody to not try to fall in love, I'm afraid this is how it's going to come out. But it's not like that. I'm just saying that, in high school or anytime you're feeling lonely, you don't need to go out looking for love to fill that void. If a prospect comes along, by all means, try it. If you feel like someone special has come along and you always want to be with them, you could talk them for hours on end and not get bored, and you know that when you're with them you will smile every minute and have the time of your life, then please don't pass that up.
People get so accustomed to going to their significant others that they tend to forget the power of friends. And even so, you should always become great friends with the person you're interested in anyways, before you even think about dating them. You should know that the person will be there for you, protect you, care for you, and love you. If the person can't do that while you're friends, then the person can't do that while you're dating.
Now I think it's safe to say that we all like the feeling of companionship but that's not to say that anybody 'needs' a significant other. I felt like I did last year because of a, I guess you can say, "void" in my self-being because when I thought of a girlfriend, I thought of a person who you can think of and know that they "love" you or "care" for you and that's what I needed. I needed a person there to remind me that I'm cared for. But as I got more involved in NewSpring I realized that a person of the opposite sex that you can hold hands and kiss doesn't have to be the one to show you that you're "cared" for. There are plenty of people out there that would do anything for you. It took me about two years to realize this, but hey, better late than never :-P
But with that, feeling that need of "care" and "love" is not wrong in any way. You're not a bad person because you feel that way, and you're not any less of a good person either. It just means somewhere in your life you had that void. Maybe a parent let you down, or a best friend just wasn't there for you. But your friends can cover that void for you though, you don't need a girl under your arm or a guy to call you every night to feel like you're "loved". Believe me, I know

Who Cares About Getting The Credit?

2006-03-24T17:14:00.000-05:00

So, credit yah? Who really cares to get the credit? Take for example, Ms. Bucks, at FUSE on Wednesday lost the chance to get an iPod Nano (They did a sort of Let's Make A Deal type thing where they gave Ms. Bucks $1 and showed 3 boxes and gave her the option to trade the dollar for something under one of the 3 boxes, first time she chose box #3 which had a can of Spam in it. So now she had a can of Spam and Saunders asked if she wanted to trade it for something under the remaining two boxes. She chose box #2 which had a $25 Simon giftcard in it. Now knowing FUSE there could be something totally disgusting under box #1 so, naturally, she kept the giftcard. But then they pulled out the iPod Nano she could've won if she traded the giftcard. But I heard she already had an iPod so this is where the post comes in. What would you do if you got an iPod but already had one.) What if you got the iPod but yet you already had one. Would you sell it on Ebay, give it to someone you love or a close friend that you know doesn't have one but yet might not ever use it, or would you give it to someone who you just know through a friend but you know would use it much more than your close friend? If you gave it to the close friend would you want them to know it was you so they might feel like they "owe" you something back, or they would feel like you're a better friend than another person. Would that make you feel more self-worth or importance than just giving it to them anonymously and them being ecstatic about just being given this gift? What about the Ebay idea though, I mean, you would get money that you might need and you know if they are willing to spend the money on it they would use it. And that would also go back to the friend(s) choice with the question, "What if your friend had the money to buy the iPod, would they use it to buy the iPod or do they have other stuff on mind that might not be of any need in their life?" But what if you know they didn't have the money, would you still give it to them or sell it on Ebay for money? You also have to keep in mind that selling it on Ebay all you would get is money, you wouldn't get any special feeling that you made somebody ecstatic by giving them a gift they thought they would never obtain and even if you did tell the friend, you would get no pride or higher ranking with the buyer. So that leads to the question, what do you want more in life pride for yourself or happiness for others.

Who's Number One?

2006-03-20T22:54:00.000-05:00

Why do we look out for ourselves before other people? Do we really feel that much self-worth that we deserve something and somebody else doesn't? What makes one person better than another? Is it the clothes they wear, the people they hang out with, the car they drive, or how rich their parents are? Does any of those things define a person? No, but why are those the things most of us tend to look at first when we are meeting someone? Do you meet someone and notice their stylish and expensive clothes or do you notice how outgoing their personality is?
I just don't think it should happen like that anymore. Instead of looking out for yourself and making sure you're fantastic (great + great), just give one of your greats to other people. See how it works out.

Opportunity vs. Risk

2006-03-17T13:16:00.001-05:00

Is it wrong to wait for something you want? No matter how long you have to wait, as long as you think it's worth it. What if it impacts you in small ways? Makes you pass up other opportunities that could potentially be better. Do you even care though if you're waiting for that one special opportunity that you know, if it pays off, will be better and worth more than all of them combined?
Waiting, just waiting, for that opportunity that you know, if given the chance, you can show the world that when you're thinking this opportunity is bigger than any other, you're thinking completely right.
But with one of the questions earlier, what if you have to pass up other opportunities? You pass them up and the one you're waiting for doens't pay off? Are you considered an idiot or passionate for what you thought. Should you take a risk? Is it worth it?

So I Have A New Blog

2006-03-17T10:07:00.000-05:00

So I totally have a new blog and this one, I promise, won't be as boring as the last one. Whenever I'm searching through good ole' World Wide Web and I find something, I think, everybody should find out, know, or discuss then I'll post it on here and I hope to get some kind of discussion out of it. Although i doubt anybody looks at it I will still see what is up. Or this could be for my own personal use :) who knows.